Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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