You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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