Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
