Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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