we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
