I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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