my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
