He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
