i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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