Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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