I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
