I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
