all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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