Please don't use social media to get back at me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
