proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
