I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
