I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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