Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
