i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
