Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
