there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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