So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
