What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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