I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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