i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize