I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
