TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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