Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
