Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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