Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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