Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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