I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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