i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
