Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
