dude i'm inner monologue high
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
