Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
