Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think my moral compass just broke
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
