I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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