I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
