U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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