I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
