You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
