she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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