Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
