did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
