Screwed.edu
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was like eating out sand paper
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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