I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize