He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
tonight lets celebrate not being married
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
