ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
