My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
NoShamevember. You game?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
