what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
