took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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