you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
