Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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