i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
