I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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