I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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