I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
