did you get engaged???
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
