the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
