At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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